Still. This word intrigues me. Stillness can be good or bad. The stillness right before a devastating tornado: bad. Stillness during a yoga class while calming your mind: good. I have not been truly still, mentally or physically, in a long time.
It started two and a half years ago when I switched jobs and hospitals. Opening a new hospital and have dual roles sounded exciting and like a great new challenge. Half ICU charge nurse, half EHR super-user, I was a hybrid nurse. Part IT, part caregiver, partly responsible for a full load of stress.
Then I switched roles again, from hybrid nurse, to full-time informatics nurse. Within 6 months, a role opened up in a corporate level position as a full-time informatics physician consultant. Since my time with informatics nursing had been mainly focused on the providers anyway, I thought it a good fit. My team was built from the ground up. We had no job description when we started and we all learned by fire: sink or swim time kids! While challenging and fun, I underestimated the toll that would take on me in the long run.
During these changes, I decided it would be a great time to go back to school and get my Masters. I was still at the bedside when I chose my track, so I enrolled and began the Master of Science in Nursing Administration path. Twenty months of extreme busywork and hoop-jumping awaited. Hooray!
I also entered into a relationship with a long-time friend and moved. Twice. So in a 2 year period, that was: 4 roles, 2 new apartments, a new hospital, a new relationship and a Master's degree.
Toward the end of school, I grew tired of being tired all the time. Everyone I talked to about it stated that "school is a bitch" and "just finish school" but knowing my body well, I knew it was more than that. My level of fatigue was alarming and abnormal. So I took the suggestion of a dear friend and went to a wellness center specializing in bio-identical hormone treatments. After a two-hour consultation and almost $3000 in lab work, I found that the cause of my fatigue was indeed hormone driven. Or lack of driven... none of them worked. And I mean, none. Hypothyroid, low estrogen and progesterone, but a clearly elevated cortisol level from years of being "on" all the time. Turns out as women age, the natural hormone levels drop. My constant state of hyper-stress just went ahead and bottomed out all those levels before perimenopause. Thanks!
In the midst of finishing school and taking 3 new prescriptions and about 6 new supplements, the boyfriend and I decided that after a year of talking about it together (and several years of me dreaming about it alone), it was time to make the leap and move to Florida. School was out, Master's achieved, holidays over so it was time to get cracking on this mutual goal. And without the added stress of school, I had weaned down to just two hormone prescriptions and off of all the supplements. I was ready for a new challenge!
I found a job and we started planning the move. And by "we" I mean he coordinated the movers, apartment here in Florida, and all the other details while I asked about a million questions nightly after work. He finally said to me "you asked me to do all of this... back off and trust me to do it". Point made!
In the midst of this planning, we took a little jaunt to San Francisco/Napa on a travel club vacation we booked last summer. It was truly nice to get away and do whatever we wanted, although the busy downtown atmosphere in a big, bustling city is not the most relaxing. While in the airport waiting to board our return flight home, I came across a book entitled "Overwhelmed: How to work, love, and play when no one has the time" by Brigid Schulte. I swear it called to me. Loudly. I bought it.
The book describes Americans, especially women, being in a state of "overwhelm" and how we compare to the rest of the world. It was then that I started pondering stillness. Admittedly, I have not been to yoga in a minute or two, but I know the nice feeling of stillness that it brings. The connection with you and your body, breath, and burning muscles is calming. There is little time to think about your to-do list when your concentration is on not falling over or vomiting during warrior pose. I realized after starting this book that I have been in a state of overwhelm for a long time. Starting seemingly small, the anxiety over everyday little things had overtaken my consciousness until I was unknowingly just a big ball of worry. Will the movers break things? How will I ever replace that money with this pay cut? Will the cat be ok on the trip? Will I like this job? Will Steven find a good job? Will we like this town? Will people be nice? Will I look too fat in my bikini? Worry. WORRY. WORRY! It was consuming.
And then the most amazing thing happened: nothing. The trip was better than I ever could have asked for... long, for sure, but totally uneventful. The cat was a rock star in the car. She slept the whole way. We had beautiful weather and neither of us had car trouble. Blessings all around. There was a slight snafu with the movers the first day but that was quickly replaced by my anxiety over whether or not the cat was going to go psychotic in her carrier for the 1300 mile drive.
We arrived in Florida and to our new apartment road weary but overall unscathed. The lease was signed, we unpacked cars, drove to the water and ate at a local blues bar with every fried seafood imaginable on the menu. The next day was the same thing. A few essentials from Wal-Mart, a brunch overlooking the water, complete with mimosas, and then some errands.
I have not set an alarm in days. I have rarely looked at a clock. I spent a good 20 minutes this morning drinking coffee on my patio watching Abby the cat soak up the sun in our screened in, first floor patio. As an indoor cat, when I saw the screened in porch I was elated because she can lounge around "outside" like she has never been able to do before. She flopped in the sunshine this morning and I remember vividly thinking how strange it was that I have spent the last few weeks SO unimaginably tense, and now my only thought is "look at how cute my cat is!". A squirrel even came right up to the screen and stared at me for a moment. I said "hi squirrel" and it scampered away. When the neighbor's air conditioning is not on, Steven said "Wow, the silence is deafening" and my response was "I know! Isn't it awesome?!".
My deepest thought up until this post was whether or not I should go across the street to buy vodka to put in my lemonade. Vacation mode suits me I think. I will go back to work next week and I'm hoping this week of calm has done some good and I will not revert immediately back into "go-go-go-Amanda". She is exhausting and annoying.
Steven asked me what our plans are for dinner later. I said "I don't know" and for the first time in a really long time, I don't want to make plans. I want to just get in the Jeep and go find a beach side place to eat when we are hungry. If that is at 4pm or 9pm, I don't care. My body and my mind are still and I am most definitely not ready to move just yet. And the best part of this whole transition is that I don't start work for another week. I can still be still tomorrow and the next day and the next....
Sunday, March 15, 2015
Sunday, December 8, 2013
So, at first I was excited about Ice-mageddon 2013. I'll admit it... I thought "snow day!! Three day weekend!" and I was like a kid knowing that school will be out... until I discovered my cable is out and they cannot replace the receiver until Monday or Tuesday.
I have watched marathons of Sex and the City, about 8 movies, taken naps, cleaned, laundry, played with Abby the Cat, debated briefly going to the store, debated seeing if my neighbors have wine, thought about coloring my hair... relaxing bubble bath... I am now over it. I'm dreaming of tropical locations and watching every movie I own that is set in a tropical location. Surprisingly, I have a lot of them.. Still stir crazy and bored.
Finally I opened a random section of a book that I read a while ago and something in it spoke to me at this point. The book is called "What Women Fear" by Angie Smith and it discusses the common fears and anxieties women have and how to turn to God to calm your fear. I will admit, I have some anxiety around things: school and how hard it'll be to go back with those two horrible classes simultaneously, work and how it's fine but it's not my passion... what is my passion? I don't know. That's scary, too. What do I do when school is over? What kind of roles do I look for? Will I recognize where I'm supposed to go when I see it?
So I came across this story in the book last night. I'm going to quote it here and give the author credit, but not in formal APA format because school is out and this is a blog...like a diary, not a formal paper. The story is about the fishers of men. They are on a ship with Jesus and a storm rises on the sea. The men find Jesus sleeping and worried that He was unconcerned with their peril. We do that sometimes during struggle, trials, and tribulations... we wonder if He cares at all about our difficulties. As the lightening flashes, the men run to Him in desperation and call out to Him there on the hull of the ship that was never in danger.. for He controls the storm. (Angie Smith).
So why do I worry about what is coming? I'm not in control of it anyway. God is and has always been in control of whatever happens in my life. In all our lives. I may not understand the storm or the problems it seems to cause, but it serves a purpose in my life. It will teach me something or make me grow in some way. Just like the ice storm. It's frustrating to be stuck inside, but I'm blessed to have heat and warmth and a million happy movies to watch because with cable I would be watching reruns and marathons of reality TV trash. So the ice annoys me, but it made me stop for a minute and reconnect with my happily-ever-after spirit. A million cheesy movies and a book about faith later, I believe it'll all work out just fine. God will stop the storm when it's time for Him to... and the ice will melt eventually as well.
I have watched marathons of Sex and the City, about 8 movies, taken naps, cleaned, laundry, played with Abby the Cat, debated briefly going to the store, debated seeing if my neighbors have wine, thought about coloring my hair... relaxing bubble bath... I am now over it. I'm dreaming of tropical locations and watching every movie I own that is set in a tropical location. Surprisingly, I have a lot of them.. Still stir crazy and bored.
Finally I opened a random section of a book that I read a while ago and something in it spoke to me at this point. The book is called "What Women Fear" by Angie Smith and it discusses the common fears and anxieties women have and how to turn to God to calm your fear. I will admit, I have some anxiety around things: school and how hard it'll be to go back with those two horrible classes simultaneously, work and how it's fine but it's not my passion... what is my passion? I don't know. That's scary, too. What do I do when school is over? What kind of roles do I look for? Will I recognize where I'm supposed to go when I see it?
So I came across this story in the book last night. I'm going to quote it here and give the author credit, but not in formal APA format because school is out and this is a blog...like a diary, not a formal paper. The story is about the fishers of men. They are on a ship with Jesus and a storm rises on the sea. The men find Jesus sleeping and worried that He was unconcerned with their peril. We do that sometimes during struggle, trials, and tribulations... we wonder if He cares at all about our difficulties. As the lightening flashes, the men run to Him in desperation and call out to Him there on the hull of the ship that was never in danger.. for He controls the storm. (Angie Smith).
So why do I worry about what is coming? I'm not in control of it anyway. God is and has always been in control of whatever happens in my life. In all our lives. I may not understand the storm or the problems it seems to cause, but it serves a purpose in my life. It will teach me something or make me grow in some way. Just like the ice storm. It's frustrating to be stuck inside, but I'm blessed to have heat and warmth and a million happy movies to watch because with cable I would be watching reruns and marathons of reality TV trash. So the ice annoys me, but it made me stop for a minute and reconnect with my happily-ever-after spirit. A million cheesy movies and a book about faith later, I believe it'll all work out just fine. God will stop the storm when it's time for Him to... and the ice will melt eventually as well.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Fail!
Not even a full 3 weeks into my new year's plan to concentrate on health and wellness I have failed. I'm talking Epic. Fail. It started when I started craving carbs that didn't come in the form of fruit and veggies. Then I missed wine. Then white fudge covered oreos. You can imagine it went down hill from there for about 3 days. All the progress I made I undid. Oops.
Then, when I decided to get back on track, my respiratory track just failed me. Sneezing and itching coughing and wheezing so bad that I ended up giving myself nebulizer treatments at work. As if that's not annoying enough, I spent an entire week (and wasted a perfectly good weekend!) being so stoned on antihistamines that all I did was sleep. Was it worth it? No. I still managed to break out in a very attractive head-to-toe rash. So I'm sneezy, itchy, scratchy, blotchy, wheezy, grumpy, and sleepy. I'm like a diseased, twilight zone take on the Seven Dwarfs. Not fun. Not attractive.
Went to see my allergist today to say "hey... something's gotta give" and he was baffled by my situation. Now in fairness, it is the NP that works in his office, but still... no one I've asked can figure out how, while taking 4 antihistamines and steroids and weekly allergy shots, it can be humanly possible to have the histamine release necessary to produce a rash. I am a freak of nature. Excellent.
So, like anything else, I'll just adjust everything and do it myself. I'll start weaning off the antihistamines and wake up enough to formulate a new plan. Probably an all natural one. Don't get me wrong, I believe in the power of western pharmaceuticals when they work. When the cost me a fortune every month and just make me tired and don't provide symptom relief... not so much. I think I'm gonna be like my parents and go for the natural approach: quercitin, grapefruit seed extract, elderberry, raw local honey. Might take a couple more days to get over a common cold, but if I'm awake to enjoy my life that's worth it. And it's been suggested that I throw in some accupuncture as well. I will investigate.
After that Operation Wellness can continue. When my lung capacity will support it again, I'll go back to yoga. Then the diet will start to improve as well because let's face it, no one wants balsamic glazed fish and asparagus with cayenne when they are sick and feel awful. You want soup and sprite, neither of which are on the diet. I'll get there...
The next project is to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Back to grad school? Move and start over? (Incidentally, I never wheezed and had asthma problems like this living by the ocean. Just saying...) Am I just sitting in a rut living vicariously through my sister's life and my roommate's life? Am I still here doing the same thing because I'm too scared to go find my own way? The more questions I ask, the more confused I get. I am working on trying to be quiet-minded and listen for the answer from Him.
Hope everyone is having a great start to the new year!
Much love to you,
-Amanda
Then, when I decided to get back on track, my respiratory track just failed me. Sneezing and itching coughing and wheezing so bad that I ended up giving myself nebulizer treatments at work. As if that's not annoying enough, I spent an entire week (and wasted a perfectly good weekend!) being so stoned on antihistamines that all I did was sleep. Was it worth it? No. I still managed to break out in a very attractive head-to-toe rash. So I'm sneezy, itchy, scratchy, blotchy, wheezy, grumpy, and sleepy. I'm like a diseased, twilight zone take on the Seven Dwarfs. Not fun. Not attractive.
Went to see my allergist today to say "hey... something's gotta give" and he was baffled by my situation. Now in fairness, it is the NP that works in his office, but still... no one I've asked can figure out how, while taking 4 antihistamines and steroids and weekly allergy shots, it can be humanly possible to have the histamine release necessary to produce a rash. I am a freak of nature. Excellent.
So, like anything else, I'll just adjust everything and do it myself. I'll start weaning off the antihistamines and wake up enough to formulate a new plan. Probably an all natural one. Don't get me wrong, I believe in the power of western pharmaceuticals when they work. When the cost me a fortune every month and just make me tired and don't provide symptom relief... not so much. I think I'm gonna be like my parents and go for the natural approach: quercitin, grapefruit seed extract, elderberry, raw local honey. Might take a couple more days to get over a common cold, but if I'm awake to enjoy my life that's worth it. And it's been suggested that I throw in some accupuncture as well. I will investigate.
After that Operation Wellness can continue. When my lung capacity will support it again, I'll go back to yoga. Then the diet will start to improve as well because let's face it, no one wants balsamic glazed fish and asparagus with cayenne when they are sick and feel awful. You want soup and sprite, neither of which are on the diet. I'll get there...
The next project is to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Back to grad school? Move and start over? (Incidentally, I never wheezed and had asthma problems like this living by the ocean. Just saying...) Am I just sitting in a rut living vicariously through my sister's life and my roommate's life? Am I still here doing the same thing because I'm too scared to go find my own way? The more questions I ask, the more confused I get. I am working on trying to be quiet-minded and listen for the answer from Him.
Hope everyone is having a great start to the new year!
Much love to you,
-Amanda
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
My New Year so far...
OK. We all know we go a little nuts during the holidays. I did. I went beyond nuts. I am the heaviest I've ever been. That even includes 1997 when I came home after my sophmore year at Tennessee and was very, uh, fluffy. So I made a resolution to get myself back together.
My friend had incredible success on this diet she got from her physician. I thought "why not?!". So I talked to her through a thousand texts and emails and made a grocery list, and went to Sprouts and Kroger many times. I planned menus and after 3 days actually started feeling better. I ate a ton of fruits and veggies and meats with no soy, gluten, dairy, or sugar of any kind. All was great. Except for one minor detail... hunger. I'm not talking about "um... I could eat" kind of hunger, but more like I'm-gonna-gnaw-off-my-arm hunger. Miserable. On the third day I had an appointment to go see her doctor. I was so excited to make a positive change and I just knew that this "comprehensive wellness" visit for new patients was going to start me in the right direction. I was going to get nutrition advice, a diet plan, see the doctor, talk about massage and accupuncture, and have a chiropractic evaluation, maybe some labs and xrays to formulate a complete wellness package for me.
The office is lovely and I went in like a kid excited to see a new gift. I was ready for wellness!
What I got was a very comprehensive chiropractic exam and instructions to go have an xray of my neck and bring my last lab values from my doctor to my next visit, which they will call me to schedule. Ummmm? I asked when I would get to see the doctor and talk about diet and nutrition and she told me "on the next visit. And then she might want you to have some more labs done depending on what you have with you". Excuse me? So what they're telling me is that I paid (actually my insurance was billed for) an office visit. Then somewhere else for an Xray. Then I'll find my own labs from my doctor and dig out the last xrays I had and bring them in... about a week from now. Then she'll probably tell me to have my thyroid and iron and blood count checked because fatigue was one of my top complaints (along with my gut which apparently gets addressed on a visit far far away...).
That's not even basic nursing. I don't know what kind of medical approach that is. We are taught Assess, Diagnose, Plan, Intervene and Evaluate. One stop shopping. Concise. Efficient. Bam. Done. That's not what was offered here... instead it was a wild goose chase.
I don't think so. If I want labs drawn, I'll call my regular doctor, where they will all be done in the same building. On the same day. If I want more xrays of my spine, I'll call my spine doctor where they'll all be done in his office and I'll get the verdict before ever leaving. I'm not driving all over town and having my insurance billed for multiple visits and diagnostic studies before I ever even talk to a physician.
As for the nutrition part, I know what to do. We all do. I've just been lazy and haven't done it. I need to get off my ass and get moving. Yoga 3 times a week. Zumba or walking the other two. Start taking the garage stairs at work again. Save the wine for weekends. I know how to eat... small meals with a protein and complex carb at every meal, with small snacks in between and nothing after 6pm. I know this. I've always known this. Somewhere along the way I lost my focus. I blame the wine and the cheetos and the convenience of laying on the couch catching up on my DVR. But no more... it's time for real change. I have to look hot in a bikini this summer, especially since I'm going somewhere new.
And no offense intended to my friend. She's had incredible success on this program with this doctor. I'm proud of her and how she is such a champion for them, because they have helped her so much. But it's not for me. I need a little carb in my diet and broccoli and fruit were only making me uncomfortable. One day I almost blew myself around the room at work. That's not attractive or comfortable.
So after trying to reinvent myself with the new and different, I came home tonight and had a bowl of fiber one cereal for dinner. I'm full for the first time in 3 days.
That's my new year so far.
My friend had incredible success on this diet she got from her physician. I thought "why not?!". So I talked to her through a thousand texts and emails and made a grocery list, and went to Sprouts and Kroger many times. I planned menus and after 3 days actually started feeling better. I ate a ton of fruits and veggies and meats with no soy, gluten, dairy, or sugar of any kind. All was great. Except for one minor detail... hunger. I'm not talking about "um... I could eat" kind of hunger, but more like I'm-gonna-gnaw-off-my-arm hunger. Miserable. On the third day I had an appointment to go see her doctor. I was so excited to make a positive change and I just knew that this "comprehensive wellness" visit for new patients was going to start me in the right direction. I was going to get nutrition advice, a diet plan, see the doctor, talk about massage and accupuncture, and have a chiropractic evaluation, maybe some labs and xrays to formulate a complete wellness package for me.
The office is lovely and I went in like a kid excited to see a new gift. I was ready for wellness!
What I got was a very comprehensive chiropractic exam and instructions to go have an xray of my neck and bring my last lab values from my doctor to my next visit, which they will call me to schedule. Ummmm? I asked when I would get to see the doctor and talk about diet and nutrition and she told me "on the next visit. And then she might want you to have some more labs done depending on what you have with you". Excuse me? So what they're telling me is that I paid (actually my insurance was billed for) an office visit. Then somewhere else for an Xray. Then I'll find my own labs from my doctor and dig out the last xrays I had and bring them in... about a week from now. Then she'll probably tell me to have my thyroid and iron and blood count checked because fatigue was one of my top complaints (along with my gut which apparently gets addressed on a visit far far away...).
That's not even basic nursing. I don't know what kind of medical approach that is. We are taught Assess, Diagnose, Plan, Intervene and Evaluate. One stop shopping. Concise. Efficient. Bam. Done. That's not what was offered here... instead it was a wild goose chase.
I don't think so. If I want labs drawn, I'll call my regular doctor, where they will all be done in the same building. On the same day. If I want more xrays of my spine, I'll call my spine doctor where they'll all be done in his office and I'll get the verdict before ever leaving. I'm not driving all over town and having my insurance billed for multiple visits and diagnostic studies before I ever even talk to a physician.
As for the nutrition part, I know what to do. We all do. I've just been lazy and haven't done it. I need to get off my ass and get moving. Yoga 3 times a week. Zumba or walking the other two. Start taking the garage stairs at work again. Save the wine for weekends. I know how to eat... small meals with a protein and complex carb at every meal, with small snacks in between and nothing after 6pm. I know this. I've always known this. Somewhere along the way I lost my focus. I blame the wine and the cheetos and the convenience of laying on the couch catching up on my DVR. But no more... it's time for real change. I have to look hot in a bikini this summer, especially since I'm going somewhere new.
And no offense intended to my friend. She's had incredible success on this program with this doctor. I'm proud of her and how she is such a champion for them, because they have helped her so much. But it's not for me. I need a little carb in my diet and broccoli and fruit were only making me uncomfortable. One day I almost blew myself around the room at work. That's not attractive or comfortable.
So after trying to reinvent myself with the new and different, I came home tonight and had a bowl of fiber one cereal for dinner. I'm full for the first time in 3 days.
That's my new year so far.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Currently...
Wow. So it's been a long time since I've written anything. I finally have a new computer, so that's helpful. Haha.
Let's see...
Currently I'm living with my best friend. And her son. And her dog. It's been hilariously funny, and good for me and hard on me all at the same time. As someone who craves quiet time and peace, living with my friend and her son who both have ADD and cannot sit still has been eye opening. It's good though. It's made me come out of my bubble a little and stray from my boring routine. But it's also made me realize that as close as we are, we are very different. I still crave peace and quiet and she would be happy if she was never alone. Ever. I can't understand that. Haha. It's fun though and the holiday season promises to bring new adventures and be very, very entertaining.
My favorite thing to do these days, besides enjoy my alone time when I can get it, is visit with my nephew. He is without a doubt the cutest kid. Ever. Now I know you think I might be biased, but look at his pictures on FB and judge for yourself. I went to my sister's yesterday and when she opened the door and he saw me, he waddled down the hall with a huge grin on his face. Then I got a big, snuggle Ethan hug. Instantly, the day gets better. Thank you God for the incredible gift of that child. He has made my life and my whole family's lives better and brighter. :)
I've gotten back in to hot yoga. I know a lot of my friends think I'm nuts to voluntarily go into a room that is 98 degrees, 90% humidity and voluntarily sweat and pretend to be a tree for 90 minutes at a time. The answer is simple: it makes me feel better. Mentally and physically. Its' cathartic and calming and energizing all at once. It builds strength and flexibility and focus. I highly recommend it. And no, I'm not a paid endorser for Sunstone Yoga. Although with my membership, I get to bring a guest with me to any class at any studio for free, so if you're interested let me know.
That's it for now. Looking forward to the fun and family time that the holiday always brings. I'm in a much better place than I was last year. I don't feel as down and alone, so this holiday season so far has been so much fun. I am so truly blessed.
Talk to you soon!
-A
Let's see...
Currently I'm living with my best friend. And her son. And her dog. It's been hilariously funny, and good for me and hard on me all at the same time. As someone who craves quiet time and peace, living with my friend and her son who both have ADD and cannot sit still has been eye opening. It's good though. It's made me come out of my bubble a little and stray from my boring routine. But it's also made me realize that as close as we are, we are very different. I still crave peace and quiet and she would be happy if she was never alone. Ever. I can't understand that. Haha. It's fun though and the holiday season promises to bring new adventures and be very, very entertaining.
My favorite thing to do these days, besides enjoy my alone time when I can get it, is visit with my nephew. He is without a doubt the cutest kid. Ever. Now I know you think I might be biased, but look at his pictures on FB and judge for yourself. I went to my sister's yesterday and when she opened the door and he saw me, he waddled down the hall with a huge grin on his face. Then I got a big, snuggle Ethan hug. Instantly, the day gets better. Thank you God for the incredible gift of that child. He has made my life and my whole family's lives better and brighter. :)
I've gotten back in to hot yoga. I know a lot of my friends think I'm nuts to voluntarily go into a room that is 98 degrees, 90% humidity and voluntarily sweat and pretend to be a tree for 90 minutes at a time. The answer is simple: it makes me feel better. Mentally and physically. Its' cathartic and calming and energizing all at once. It builds strength and flexibility and focus. I highly recommend it. And no, I'm not a paid endorser for Sunstone Yoga. Although with my membership, I get to bring a guest with me to any class at any studio for free, so if you're interested let me know.
That's it for now. Looking forward to the fun and family time that the holiday always brings. I'm in a much better place than I was last year. I don't feel as down and alone, so this holiday season so far has been so much fun. I am so truly blessed.
Talk to you soon!
-A
Monday, January 3, 2011
Failing!!!
OK. It's two days into the new year (if you don't count Jan 1st..because who really does anything that day anyway). Already I'm a failure at my so-called resolutions. The biggest one for this year wasn't diet-specific, just a focus on health and wellness. Work out more, eat better, maybe do some yoga. Less alcohol, find a church... just overall strive to be a better, more well-rounded person. The easiest to control, or so I thought, was the "eating better" part.
I got off work early today and was very excited. I was going to the grocery store to load up on delicious, healthy treats and then a trip to the gym. I loaded up alright...but on crap. I made the mistake of going to the store while I was starving. I came home with a few fresh goodies, but mainly a cabinet chock full of carbs. That's what I was craving and so that's what I bought. I even bought ramen. Wonderful.
I get home and decide that I need new songs for my iPod so I can kick ass at the gym. While those are downloading, I make dinner. Suffice it to say, I didn't make the salad or grilled chicken and asparagus that I started out to make. I made, essentially, a bucket of carbs. And I ate every single bit of it.
I would like the record to show that not only did I ingest a serving of deliciously creamy noodles the size of my head, but I did it while I was reading the new OK! magazine which will tell you celebrity diet secrets. Yes folks I ate my weight in pasta while looking at Kardashians and Playboy bunnies and athletes. Now, I'm realistic. I know I'll never weigh 95 pounds or be a size 4. Please have me placed in a program if I become that kind of waif-like gal. But come on!!! Mandy!!! Two days into the new "health and wellness" attitude that I set for myself, and I'm in a carb coma. Literally.
I still wanted to go to the gym today, but at the moment it's out of the question. I am crampy and miserable, not to mention really sleepy. And it physically hurt to lean over the chair and pick up my laptop because of the bloat.
So. I am now going to take some Tums or Rolaids or other digestive aid and probably curl up and go to bed early. I'm very sorry gym that I will not be visiting you today. But, there's always tomorrow. We all stumble and fall down a time or two before actually climbing up the mountain, right?
'Night!!
I got off work early today and was very excited. I was going to the grocery store to load up on delicious, healthy treats and then a trip to the gym. I loaded up alright...but on crap. I made the mistake of going to the store while I was starving. I came home with a few fresh goodies, but mainly a cabinet chock full of carbs. That's what I was craving and so that's what I bought. I even bought ramen. Wonderful.
I get home and decide that I need new songs for my iPod so I can kick ass at the gym. While those are downloading, I make dinner. Suffice it to say, I didn't make the salad or grilled chicken and asparagus that I started out to make. I made, essentially, a bucket of carbs. And I ate every single bit of it.
I would like the record to show that not only did I ingest a serving of deliciously creamy noodles the size of my head, but I did it while I was reading the new OK! magazine which will tell you celebrity diet secrets. Yes folks I ate my weight in pasta while looking at Kardashians and Playboy bunnies and athletes. Now, I'm realistic. I know I'll never weigh 95 pounds or be a size 4. Please have me placed in a program if I become that kind of waif-like gal. But come on!!! Mandy!!! Two days into the new "health and wellness" attitude that I set for myself, and I'm in a carb coma. Literally.
I still wanted to go to the gym today, but at the moment it's out of the question. I am crampy and miserable, not to mention really sleepy. And it physically hurt to lean over the chair and pick up my laptop because of the bloat.
So. I am now going to take some Tums or Rolaids or other digestive aid and probably curl up and go to bed early. I'm very sorry gym that I will not be visiting you today. But, there's always tomorrow. We all stumble and fall down a time or two before actually climbing up the mountain, right?
'Night!!
Friday, December 31, 2010
Reflections
Another year over and I'm sitting here reflecting. I wasn't feeling the party spirit this year, so I decided for the first time in a decade, I'd ring in the new year with a clear head.
This past year was full of ups and downs for me, as I'm sure it was for many of you.
I experienced what it was like to suffer complete and total burn-out at work. I morphed into this angry, grumpy person that was just absolutely miserable. I took an incredible leap of faith and jumped outside my comfort bubble to start a new career path. I learned that the grass is, in fact, not always greener on the other side.
I returned to my home, to a different department, and was instantly taken in by an incredible group of women. I am happy at work again.
I took an incredible trip to gorgeous places. I saw landscapes that literally made me speechless, and that is hard to accomplish. I learned some valuable lessons on that trip. For example, I cannot drive on the wrong side of the car on the wrong side of the road...at all. I will not attempt that again.
I lost friends this year. I also have made wonderful new friends and reconnected with old friends.
I took a couple of romantic chances, only to find out for certain what my deal-breakers are, and what I will absolutely not tolerate. It didn't work out well, but lessons learned are always appreciated.
I met and instantly fell in love with the cutest baby. Ever. I was reminded again how blessed I am to have the family I do..they are my heart.
I laughed and loved and cried and rejoiced. It was a great year.
My prayer for this next year is that it will be full of hope, laughter, love, and joy for all of us... and of course some incredible experiences and journeys along the way!
Happy New Year!
This past year was full of ups and downs for me, as I'm sure it was for many of you.
I experienced what it was like to suffer complete and total burn-out at work. I morphed into this angry, grumpy person that was just absolutely miserable. I took an incredible leap of faith and jumped outside my comfort bubble to start a new career path. I learned that the grass is, in fact, not always greener on the other side.
I returned to my home, to a different department, and was instantly taken in by an incredible group of women. I am happy at work again.
I took an incredible trip to gorgeous places. I saw landscapes that literally made me speechless, and that is hard to accomplish. I learned some valuable lessons on that trip. For example, I cannot drive on the wrong side of the car on the wrong side of the road...at all. I will not attempt that again.
I lost friends this year. I also have made wonderful new friends and reconnected with old friends.
I took a couple of romantic chances, only to find out for certain what my deal-breakers are, and what I will absolutely not tolerate. It didn't work out well, but lessons learned are always appreciated.
I met and instantly fell in love with the cutest baby. Ever. I was reminded again how blessed I am to have the family I do..they are my heart.
I laughed and loved and cried and rejoiced. It was a great year.
My prayer for this next year is that it will be full of hope, laughter, love, and joy for all of us... and of course some incredible experiences and journeys along the way!
Happy New Year!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)